I blew it today, was driving home and not paying enough attention. I got a speeding ticket. I wasn’t going as fast as the cop said I was but I was speeding. I feel so upset about it, I really want to cut. I let my husband yell at me but I can’t change what happened I got the ticket. Now I have to be even more careful. I was not speeding long in fact had just noticed that I was going too fast and was preparing to brake. If I lost my license, I will not be able to go to therapy or anywhere else for a year. I will not live for a year without therapy. I will be a huge mess. Bigger than I am now. I just want to crawl into a hole and cut until nothing matters at all. I won’t just writing about it helps but what a mess. I am so stupid.