Wow, everybody! This ALL sounds so familiar!

Before I was diagnosed and got COMPETENT therapy, a COMPETENT psychiatrist, and meds, I would get so upset and angry I would scream and cry, sob huge tears -- for six hours at a time. Then, I would be so remorseful! I'd cry more.

I used to feel like a "Sword of Damocles" was hanging by a thread, just above my head, waiting to fall and send me into a rage. I never knew when a rage would suddenly
"fall" on me, set me off. These things never happen to me anymore, but I have gotten into rages fairly recently, when I feel like breaking things. I have thrown a few small objects that didn't do any damage. I hit my phone more than once, and broke it phone twice.

One thing that helps -- I have made some fun message posters showing Grumpy Cat and other cats, saying things to me that help or encourage me. They are all lined up at the bottom of my screen, in Word, so can bring up the one that applies at the time.

Of course, depression would follow soon after.

I was teaching music then from home. I'd be so depressed my mother would have to call all my students to let them know I was ill. Occasionally, she could not reach the parent of one, and I'd put a sign on the front door that I was ill and could not teach that day. I would lie on the floor in despair, just inside and beside the front door so I could know if the child was okay. It was amazing to me that some parents would just drop their kid off, without finding out if I was home or not. I realized I'd need to caution ALL of the parents NEVER to leave their child, until they saw me in the doorway waving to them!