I'm tired of depression. I'm tired of this constant battle that I keep on fighting. I'm lying to everyone about things, about what I'm doing and how I feel. I'm hiding from my feelings with sleep and avoidance. I do whatever I can to numb the pain, even if only for a few seconds. Meds don't do ****, and the hospital is a joke. And I've got coping skills that I use regularly, both good and bad. Lets cut the crap and be serious. I know that many of you who will read this will not even comment. Those that do will post something to "help me keep going" or tell me you understand. But nobody really gets it. Not in real life and surely not here. People only know what I tell them and nobody knows everything because its never good to keep all your eggs in one basket. If I ever told someone everything they would tell me I am a stupid idiot or a basket case or a monster. But the hiding is hard and I dont think I can keep it up. Its beneficial for everyone if I just run off and leave society alone. Or just stop living. Please don't think I'm trying to die. I just think if it happened it would be a good thing.