I feel the same way... Suicide is conflicting. I know that when life ends, that is final, and you might never know how it felt for it to get better. But also the pain every day is exhausting. Are you in therapy? I can't explain myself well to my T but I usually write her a letter. That way I can vent, but it doesn't feel to personal and scary oh I don't know. I'm trying to find hope, but it's like trying to breath underwater with a normal set of lungs. Just drowning.

Good luck please live