I am sorry you are feeling so low. I noticed on another post that you are trying to hold onto a job and caring for two. That sounds like a big burden. Sometimes our jobs use us up and inside we get angry because of stress or unfair policies/decisions. And if your workplace is like this and you can't walk away, it takes a toil. Or maybe you disagree in some way with a loved one but don't express (holding emotions in can take a toll on us). Or maybe a loved one is sick or has challenges that are stressfull. I don't know. However, I was in a deep depression for years and finally got therapy for it. I found that really digging deep and figuring out what I was angry about helped me. Sometimes we turn our negative emotions or experiences in upon ourselves. It took more than a year of therapy. Posting here helped too. I don't know if any of these things might apply to you....Just trying to give you some ideas hoping something will help you. If you don't end your life--things really might get better. I know it seems impossible in the state you are in but it could. My life has many ups and downs. Had my attempt been successful, I would not be experiencing my current up. Don't give up on trying to recover from your depression, sometimes, things eventually change...