Not dead yet, you are not lonely on this path, lots of us have this issue. I had to deal with horrible people at work and this awful experience pushed me to question myself and I have discovered that I had a few damage to repair. Getting rid of the toxic people around me is one of the best steps I took, some family members and as well a few "friends". I am feeling freer now. I know it would be one step at a time but I am on my way to repair the damage and learn what needs to. In my case loving myself, listening to my needs, boundaries, assertiveness and above all staying aware in every situations.