Funnily enough Eskie,I haven't given up,I still have hopes to meet someone,which to be honest isn't likely unless I change my attitude and behaviour.I am shy and never take the initiative and am never proactive.If I see someone I like i don't make any moves, show interest or give out signals, I even give off don't approach me vibes.I have always been like that,I think intimacy has always scared me and those are my comfort zone vibes that
I give out.If I am going to attract and engage someone and have them fall in love with me I have to become more open and forward,it has to be a conscious decision but I am reluctant subconsciously to do that.I wonder if there is a lot more to it.I am starting counselling in March this year and will tackle this issue with the counsellor see if she can help.
I think it is fantastic that you live near farms and around horses,I wanted to go horse riding with a friend who went when I was 10 years old but my father forbade it saying horse riding was too dangerous for a child my age.Which was fair enough from a parental point of view but held me back from going ever cos it kinda was the case that I was over protected as a child and that made me fearful of trying new things my whole life and held me back,I was very controlled and dictated to and this has made me settle into a comfort zone,I need to come out of it,especially at my age,I don't want to waste the life I have left to live.