*** Venting ***

*** I realize that most of my posts here are negative. I don't wish for others to adopt my view or be affected by it. If you are hopeful in life and looking for positive posts to encourage you, I don't recommend reading my posts ***

It's still in the morning, and I already feel this day is one of those days in which nothing is working. I couldn't sleep last night because my anxiety was in the sky worrying about my health and my future. I forced myself to go out to have some work done, and I usually don't go out because I'm in a very low mood. In one place the woman was rude to me although I think I was the first one she sees. In the other place nothing worked as I was planning. All using public transportation, and I hate public transportation because I feel anxious around people. It's one of those days where I wish I haven't been. It's one of those days where I ask myself "why did my parents bring me here?". I just want to know why people bring children to suffer in this world. I wish I just vanish and die already to rest from all of this. My life has been nothing but bad days and tears. I'm already dead from the inside. I wish I had good memories to cherish and be hopeful. I don't. Not a single good memory. I can see more suffering is coming because in this life you either actively live to be happy or you slowly and painfully die. I don't want to live because my hope is zero, but I don't want to die. I fear death, but I hate life.