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Originally Posted by AmethystFaery
Yes, I understand. I have maternal transference with my T and I'm very close with her which is why I fight her getting so close sometimes. I feel myself go through growth spurts where I feel more independent of her and it freaks me out because not ready to let go. It's hard and confusing.
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Thank you, AmethystFaery. I agree it's hard and confusing. I'm not ready to let go but I think T thinks I am.
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Originally Posted by MobiusPsyche
I've been feeling similarly about my T lately. Like, I am not quite as desperate to see her as I usually am. It's upsetting to me because somehow I interpret it to mean that we're growing apart but it doesn't have to mean that. It may be that the connection is changing, not going away.
PS Your T's comment about being curious... That sounds exactly like something my T would say!!!
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Thanks, Mobius. Does your T do IFS? I think that's where the "let's be curious" comes from. That's a good way to look at it--we're not growing apart but the connection is changing. I feel like climbing into her arms and saying "I still need you!"
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Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel
I'm starting to not be so attached to my T. I think because our semi-termination is coming up and I'm getting used to the idea. It's hard though. Part of me wants to grab on and never let go, and the other part is telling myself that everything is okay. I'm just choosing to go with the flow. If I "freak out", I'll just talk to my T about it. Luckily, I will have weekly contact with her even after termination.
It's okay that you're gaining some independence from your T. It's a good time to practice while your T is still there. When you get nervous or afraid, she's there for you. But when you feel like taking your steps, you can do that too. Think of like a baby learning to walk. The baby is gaining independence, but mom is still around.
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Thank you, Scarlet. I'm glad you are still going to have weekly contact with your T when you quit. Yes, it feels like baby steps away from Mom, but now I want to run back to her!
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Originally Posted by Elio
Yes, yes, and yes. There is a big part of me that doesn't want to be independent from t and there is a big part of me that doesn't want to need her like I do. Then there is the part of me that knows this is how it goes. Lately, I have been feeling the growth of infant/toddler level dependency to young child/early elementary school dependence/independence. There are many times where I miss that younger connection and I want it back. I very much feel like this whole process is about growing up again.
I wonder for those of you that switch t's after 2-3 yrs, do you find that you go back through this type of connection and growth with the new t? I also wonder for those that find they are in an impasse after that 2-3 yrs, if it isn't something to do with hitting the "growth" spot of teenagerism and either as clients or as t's the relationship can't survive that period.
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Thanks, Elio. Sometimes I wish I were just starting therapy again with my T! Seven years is a long time, and I know I've been growing but I wish I could feel that ecstasy of first holding her hand, for example. Maybe I will ask if I could again, just for a recharge. I hate endings, always have. I don't want T to mean less to me.
I have seen 5 other Ts but I didn't grow the way I am with this T. I think I was stuck in baby stages. Now I go back and forth between the various stages. I don't think you necessarily start over with each new T.