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Jan 27, 2017, 05:48 PM
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Member Since: Jan 2017
Posts: 10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Frankbtl
Hi areenhaque
Welcome to PC!!! 
I'd say that you need to find a good time (when there are no stresses or strains) to tell your husband the true importance of the issue for you.
I may be wrong, but reading between the lines with this:
I'm not bothered about him smoking as much as I'm bothered about him not keeping his word. He keeps telling me that he won't do it but he keeps doing it.
You're perhaps feeling a general lack of trust in him from this, with him saying one thing and doing something else without your knowledge, maybe you feel betrayed by him doing that, maybe you feel he's disrespecting you or not showing you respect by "casually" telling you something and then.........??
Maybe for him that's way off the truth as he sees it, just different perspectives, but your feelings do matter 
And the discussion with him doesn't even necessarily have to be confrontational maybe reiterate with him that it's fine that he's smoking, and you recognise it's not even regularly anyway..........it's just that when he tells you...........it makes you feel......because...........and you'd really like him to............Maybe he will "shrug off" some stuff...........different perspectives..........and you can even acknowledge that to him/perhaps even understand or show understanding that things like that aren't as important to him..........but it's about helping him acknowledge/understand your feelings as well.................
And maybe you two can even reach a compromise...........as in you accept that he may not remember to tell you every time but he will try to tell you when...........Just some thoughts.........
Alison |
I am thinking of talking to him soon about it. You're right that I do feel disrespected and hurt by the whole situation. I'm not saying he has to give me minute by minute update every time he smokes and it's not like I expect him to go cold turkey in 24 hours either. I understand that he's an adult and he has the right to make his own choices. I know that what is a big deal to me isn't s big deal to him and that's understandable. Hopefully we can reach an agreement. I'm trying my best to be accepting of the whole situation but I can't help feel betrayed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frankbtl
Hi areenhaque
Welcome to PC!!!
I'd say that you need to find a good time (when there are no stresses or strains) to tell your husband the true importance of the issue for you.
I may be wrong, but reading between the lines with this:
I'm not bothered about him smoking as much as I'm bothered about him not keeping his word. He keeps telling me that he won't do it but he keeps doing it.
You're perhaps feeling a general lack of trust in him from this, with him saying one thing and doing something else without your knowledge, maybe you feel betrayed by him doing that, maybe you feel he's disrespecting you or not showing you respect by "casually" telling you something and then.........??
Maybe for him that's way off the truth as he sees it, just different perspectives, but your feelings do matter
And the discussion with him doesn't even necessarily have to be confrontational maybe reiterate with him that it's fine that he's smoking, and you recognise it's not even regularly anyway..........it's just that when he tells you...........it makes you feel......because...........and you'd really like him to............Maybe he will "shrug off" some stuff...........different perspectives..........and you can even acknowledge that to him/perhaps even understand or show understanding that things like that aren't as important to him..........but it's about helping him acknowledge/understand your feelings as well.................
And maybe you two can even reach a compromise...........as in you accept that he may not remember to tell you every time but he will try to tell you when...........Just some thoughts.........
Alison |
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