Just a point to psych Nitrous. I am in a similar situation about finding meds a self medicating. Only problem is you can't be correctly diagnosed or medicated whilst using any drug. Especially pot.These days it's made so much stronger than it used to be. ( unless u r getting it legally.) I watch more And more of my toker buddies reach there early to mid 30's and suddenly crumble under debilitating mental illness.
It breaks my heart when I hear people talk about grass being safe. When I have witnessed the psychosis it can cause put otherwise talented and intelligent individuals in the psychiatric hospital.
I judge not, believe me I have no room to talk. I just wanted to let others know to be careful. Especially if your prone to mental illness.

Back to the OP, sadly for some of us it takes hitting rock bottom and hurting everyone we love, and losing everything we have worked for before we realise we need to get clean.
You are aware which is good. May e you could go to a meeting or two. Hear some else rl stories face to face. It might help to bring it home.
I do understand where your at, and it would be awesome if you can grab it by the scruff now before it's claws get any deeper. But you might just not be ready.
We will be here when you are though.