You know what's very promising about your story? You already made some very hard changes, positive changes. You got this! You have a lifetime to learn what matters to you, what you want to do or be. Start with a hobby and go from there. And make the therapist appointment. I was so scared my first time that my knees were literally shaking, but it was the best step I ever took...way, way too late. I wish I'd gone at 20.