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Originally Posted by BudFox
That has a sinister and controlling ring to it. The isolation and exclusivity of the therapy relationship is dangerous in my opinion. The client should be encouraged to learn what is going on outside their own therapy. For me reading accounts from clients was quite eye opening and necessary.
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I don't think it was sinister or controlling. I think it was more like, don't assume he's going to hurt/abandon me or change the boundaries just because other people's T's have. I feel like you have to really be able to trust a T to get something out of therapy.
You've made your views on therapy very clear throughout this forum, so I'm sure you'd say you should never trust a T. But if I'm just waiting for him or for my T to hurt me, then I don't see how that will help me either. It's one thing to be cautious, another to be afraid. (Not that I'm not afraid anyway...)
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I also had a door-is-always-open betrayal. She offered this up to lessen the blow of termination, then withdrew the offer a bit later.
During therapy she withdrew emotionally somewhat, which was a sort of undeclared subtle boundary change, after I had divulged my feelings for her. Was like bait and switch. She encouraged me to do this, then behaved as it were a problem.
Lesson learned: boundary changes are almost always for the benefit of the therapist, but are sold as a benefit to the client.
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I'm sorry you had to go through this. I think T's often *think* they are doing it for the benefit of the client. I think many don't do it maliciously or selfishly. But maybe they realize they messed up, that their boundaries were too loose, that they allowed the client to be too dependent on them, etc....and then they overcorrect in order to fix it. Which ends up hurting the client.
I think the most important things are for a T to be aware of what they're doing and the impact it could be having on a client. And to be open with the client if they want to change something and to make the decision to change something together--not to have it be a unilateral decision by the T.