Does anyone else do this?

Immediately after becoming intensely frustrated, embarrassed or upset, my emotional response goes something like this: "God, why did I do/say that? What is the matter with me?" followed by, "I'll just kill myself. I'm going to kill myself." I never try to, but it's almost a relief to just think it or say it out loud. Like taking a deep breath of fresh air. I don't do it all the time, just following an intense high (where I've said or done something impulsive) and preceding a depression. Once I'm depressed, I think about death and not necessarily suicide.

If you used to do this, but don't anymore, what helped you?

Please don't quote, in case I decide to remove this later.