Quote:
Originally Posted by Loner_girl18
I keep coming back to this question over and over again. I can't seem to be able to come to terms with myself about the fact that I might be depressed. The signs are there - fatigue, difficulty concentrating, feelings of loneliness, sadness, worthlessness, body aches and pains. But every time I laugh or smile I think, "No I can't be depressed, someone who's able to be happy can't be depressed." It doesn't help that my parents feels the same way, even after a local nurse diagnosed me with depression (I guess she's different from an actual doctor because my parents don't believe her assessment was accurate). My father refuses to say the "D word" around me or the family, and my mother seems to think I'm going through a phase. Ordinarily I would agree with her, but no phase has ever hurt this much. I constantly think about what a failure I am, how I don't deserve to feel unhappy because of the life that I live, and I have these awful thoughts. Thoughts about hurting people, my father especially. It's just a never ending cycle of doubt and self-loathing, has anyone else experienced something similar?
|
I felt the same way when I was diagnosed with depression. I had a hard time accepting it. I knew something wasn't right but I didn't think I was sad enough or had a good enough reason to feel that miserable. I felt hopeless and worthless but I wasn't suicidal and was able to go to work and had days when I was able to laugh. I also never cried. Turned most of the time I was just numb and apathetic, didn't really care about anything. I figured this is life. Only after couple months of counseling, when I started to feel a little better, I realized that ' yeah, I really was miserable '.
I'm sorry your family makes you feel that way, I know it just adds to a depression voice, it's sad that there is still so much stigma around this. That is why I am not able to talk to people about it, except for my therapist. I bet if you had broken leg they wouldn't call it a phase. I really hope you can convince your family to get you in counseling so you can get some help and validation that you deserve.