but it is really so hard and painful

Littlefish, do you think it would help if you tapped into the happier times you had as a kid? (I know when you're in pain, you can't remember any but there were some)

Did you have a favorite toy/doll/game? Google it. Sometimes you can find it on ebay.

Google the years when you would have enjoyed playing the most, (even if you think you didn't) and see what "fads" there were, like clothes or the kind of bike everyone had to have or what the top ten songs were or TV shows you liked.

Sometimes that will spark "her" interest and maybe then you can start to get in touch with what you need to.