i started smoking at 14. by the time i was 16 i was up to about 2 packs a day. i quit for my boyfriend (yes i realize now that that was a mistake) january of 05 at 18. a few months ago i was having a really hard time at work and felt like i was going to start punching walls or something so i started smoking again only at work. he finally told me that it did bother him so i stopped again. well now i smoke again only at work and told him i would only smoke at work and he said he was fine with that. before i felt like a smoker who was forcing myself not to smoke. now i feel like a non smoker who smokes. i dont know how to describe it. it makes my stomach hurt, my mout taste nasty and it makes me get dizzy but i still do it. and even though that first cigarette after more than a year was so nasty i still forced myself to get hooked again. why can't i just quit? and want to quit. cause deep down i just feel like... im only 20. if i only do it a few times a week its not going to kill me and my body is at its height of healing itself. but i know i shouldnt. i want to want to quit....if that made sense.