Elevated Soul,

Do you have someone in your life that you trust? A Therapist?

I am in a similar state right now in my life. It is a horrible feeling... I must admit that I do not always "walk the talk," so as much as I like to think I know the answers to get healthy (and perhaps I do) I still suffer from complacency, willfulness and lack of motivation. I hope I can plant some seeds in your head, I am not judging you or belittling you by this post. I hope you can get some thing from it.

A therapist asked me recently, "What is stunting your growth more; laziness, or mental illness." I would like to think mental illness is the bigger problem. I am certainly depressed, have trauma, etc. I avoid things that scare me (which is most things right now). I stay in a comfortable state and for very valid reasons...

But I still have a choice. And I DON'T have to allow my negative emotions to dictate my behavior...

Neither do you...

The good news is you are self-aware enough to realize the hole that you're in. The emotions that you feel - the emptiness - it is there for a reason. Despite how painful emptiness is for you - you are blessed with the ability to identify the emotions you feel. That gives you an advantage for moving forward. Humans have a tendency to avoid emotions, especially for us Borderline sufferers; since we experience them to a heightened extent. But avoiding emotions leads us to suppress and dissociate and when that happens we get lost... It is like we don't even see what the problem is because we suppress it, it is too painful to admit to ourselves... Problem is: "We cannot fix a problem if we don't know what it is." That is why emotions are so vital to our lives. Emotions ought to be befriended. Emotions are not only feelings - they are cluttered with messages about the state of our lives...

Loneliness, emptiness, sadness, anxiety, fear, hopeless... (These are the emotions you feel, based on your post. Look up what these emotions mean.)

Perhaps you are empty because you need to fill your life with things that inspire you. If you don't know what those things are - do not fret - for that is a sign of change. That just means you get to go out and discover what those things are. Look at it as an adventure! You get to try new things and make mistakes and force yourself out of your comfort zone! How fun! Sometimes we think nothing inspires us anymore, when in reality - we simply have changed - and what once inspired us no longer does. It is up to us to look for those things.

We need to take responsibility for our lives and work at it. No one else will do the job for us, but ourselves. Moving forward and growing is a FULL-TIME job. It is the hardest job there is.

Baby steps.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz