For the longest time I've been jealous of those engageing in sexual activity. I'm only 17. Part of my depression and mental disorder lyes in being older in my head then I am physically. Perhaps this has something to do with being jealous of others in sexual relations. When discovering porn a few years back I grew attached to it, as an escape to relieve myself. It took the place of what most teens do, drugs, alcohol , real sex, and cutting/self abuse.

I literally cry sometimes becuase of my jealousy. It hurts to watch porn, soap operas, or even watch ppl in public together visualizing sexual relations. This really makes me feel bad and not good about myself, I hate me honestly. I am the type who does not want to bea one night stand person, rather only have sex with 1 person, and marry her for life......

In the end this subject is in my head alot.........and it hurts...