Hi everyone I'm new on this site so I'm not sure if I'm even using it right. But I signed up because I really could use support right now. In may of 2016, I watched my grandma pass away, as I just wanted to be there with her until her last moments. (I have always dealt with depression, anxiety, etc.) but lately, I have been seeing disturbing images in my head specifically of her last moments when I saw her stop breathing. When I start to get these thoughts, I literally have to pinch myself or physically tell myself to stop. I also have uncontrollable thoughts, for example, when I'm trying to talk to my grandma in my head at night because I would like to think she can hear me, kind of like praying, and a voice will literally pop in my head and say disturbing things that I don't want to say to her? And then I feel so bad because I feel like if by any chance she might have actually been listening, then I'm upset because I couldn't control it. I am a completely normal person but I feel crazy. Idk if I'm traumatized or what, but if anyone has any advice or can relate I would greatly appreciate some help...even if it's just sharing your story, I would like to think I'm not alone in how I feel.