Just thought I'd update you all on an interesting turn of events. Days after my 'partner' cut me off because he was getting nervous about all the baby-talk, i learned i was pregnant.
I was extremely happy, but at the same time it seemed my ex was taking on a new direction. I thought, since the first trimester has the highest chance of miscarriage, I'll wait it out before I tell him anything, in case it's not even necessary. After 8 weeks and one ultrasound, with everything going so well, I couldn't handle this being my own secret anymore. So I told him; his reaction led me to get an abortion.
I wanted his baby so much for so long, but then he threatened to cut me off from himself and his family, leaving me completely alone to take on this child while he goes off and finds a new bride. If I went through with the pregnancy, I'd be hearing about my foolishness every day for the rest of my life from my own family, with no one to back me up.
And don't get me wrong - I don't want to go back to him. Unfortunately I think this is what I needed to finally cut him off. I never realized how cold and selfish he could be, especially towards something he produced with me out of love. How can I knowingly bring a child into that situation? I can't go through with it.
I'm so disappointed in myself for not seeing this outcome sooner. I come from a divorced home I know what it's like. I can't put another child through that. This baby's main purpose would be to ease my pain and loneliness, which isn't fair to anyone.