I have not posted here much because I did not feel I really had a problem. I guess admitting the denial is a step in the right direction. I am so afraid that someone is going to find out this secret. I am afraid that my loved ones will turn away. To afraid to seek help. Someone once told me that FEAR was False Evidence Appearing Real. Maybe they are right, but that does not help. I can't even look in the mirror anymore. I see fat and lots of it. The harder I try to lose it the more I get. The thing is that I really am fat. I weigh 186 and I am 5'4". I am considered morbidly obese my doc said. I do everything right but I am still fat fat fat. Someone told me I was addicted to exercise. I know I am. It started as a coping skill but turned into more. Everything I get upset or go into crisis mode I exercise. I have lost about 20 pounds, but I see people staring at me all the time. I know that they are thinking lay off the twinkies and donuts. It pisses me off because I tried so hard to do this right. Its the anger that turned this into a bad thing. I just want to be thin so people will respect me. I go the whole day eating healty, but by night time I am starving and I eat every damb thing in site. I then feel guilty and this overwhelming urge to get the food out. Food is my enemy right now.