My father was very critical, and every time I remember how he treated me I rage in anger. It's the natural response, at least for me. I'm trying to live my life despite the fact that he made my life harder by instilling in me the fear to be myself. He convinced me (unintentionally) that I'm always wrong and worth being punished and criticized because he was punishing and criticizing me when I made mistakes while he did not praise me when I did right. I don't know if I want to grieve the fact we wasn't nice, but when I'm not angry and can think clearly, I see in him a man who has struggled as much as I have, and maybe more.

I'm not sure what the nature of your relationship with your father, but I'm sorry you have to experience an unpleasant relationship with him.

I have to say, I like your writings. It seems that you're trying to motivate yourself to find your way out of a mess. I'm sure you will find it if you keep this attitude (probably I need to do the same in being more positive), and as you always write you deserve love and acceptance, and loving yourself is the first step to allow others to love and accept you. Good luck