Had a rather rough session with my marriage counselor today, dealing with an e-mail I'd sent last week that was mostly about the weirdness of the therapeutic relationship and how it can be difficult for me (stemming from the fact that he wasn't going to tell us about his wife's passing a month ago). He kept emphasizing the "professional relationship," how he cared about all his patients equally, how none were more special than the other, etc. I was pretty distraught after session, texted him, and asked if he could call at some point in the next few days. Talked with H about it in the meantime, as MC had suggested during session.

Then MC called on his way home from work tonight, and we talked for about 25 minutes. I think I just needed to know he understood what was bothering me and why. And he seemed to get it. I feel much better about things now. H and I talked about the content of the conversation, too. I think a lot of it was just that he took the time to call and seemed to really listen to me, even if he didn't quite understand what I was getting at initially. So right after session I was almost ready to walk away, but the phone call made me realize that we can still work things out. And hopefully work through the whole attachment thing (whether through T and/or MC). Because as MC said in session today, the attachment isn't all about him as a person. There's other stuff there, and if I just run away, that stuff will still be there. But if I can work through it, then I can resolve it, and make the stuff go away. So...that's what I'm working toward, both with him and T. I just hope all the emotional pain is worth it in the end if/when I come out on the other side.