Hi all.

I'm a 40y/o guy and just joined the form. Have had on and off depression episodes since high school which got progressively worse over time. About 12 years ago, I had the first "diagnosis" of being Bipolar (and later determined as Bipolar 2, possibly Cyclothimic as I tend to cycle and have mixed states).

Unfortunately, meds have had a limited effect so far. Been on Paxil, Lexapro, Welbutrin, Ability, Lamotragine, Depakote, Latuda and Lithium. Currently on a Lithium, Ability and Lamotragine. Unfortunately, with the other meds, anti-depressants tend to make me rapid cycle so we are removing the Lamotragine. But then, none of the anti depressants seem to help much. Lithium seems to help at least with the cycling. But I am depressed most of the time and I still feel mixed episodes at the time.

But over the last 2-3 years a number of other problems have cropped up.

* Rarely able to sleep more than 4-5h in a row. I can work with it on weekends where I can take naps if really needed, but not much I can do when I have to work.
* Concentration is really low on most day. Often the thought of doing anything involved causes anxiety.
* On some days, short term memory is non existent. I can forget where I am driving to or forget what a conversation is about mid-way.
* Had a significant loss of physical energy. Just going to run errands generally drains me for a while. Doing exercise will drain me for hours.
* Body aches all over. Joints have been hurting, so has my back and neck. Been going to the chiropractor for a year now hoping to fix this but no result, despite never having back or neck problems before.
* Heat sensitivity and I will overheat and drip sweat at nothing.
* And obviously with the depression, I have no interest in much and have little to no will to socialize with others.

Now I am at the point where my absences from work and my general performance have been a significant issue. I'm at the "fix it real soon or get fired point". Was basicly forced into taking a leave of absense. My Doctor did reluctantly agreed to a 1mo leave. It helped some but was not enough to make a big difference. So I presume I will likely loose my job in the next few months unless I can conjure a miracle.

Been looking for a new job in my field what has lower expectations and stress. But however, in the past it would take a couple interviews to get an offer. Now I am 5 interviews down, failing them one by one and no offer to show up.

I am unsure of what my future has for me. Despite efforts, I have been only deteriorating with no light at the end of the tunnel. At this rate, I will be jobless, my wife will leave me. It feels like I will have to accept that I may not be able to get a job in my industry anymore and will likely have to deal with menial work at a significant pay cut.

I just can't see right now how life is supposed to get any better... Any advice is appreciated!