Have T tomorrow, don't know if I will tell her about the "emergency" appt with pdoc or not, though I probably should. I will see her next week too, the day after I see pdoc (my original appt with him). I feel odd needing pdoc so much lately and think I may be bugging him. Maybe that is just part of my distorted thinking though.

The receptionist did say yesterday that when pdoc came in (he works at the local IP hospital in the mornings) he immediately requested she pull my chart because I did what I was supposed to and contacted him instead of waiting and getting worse. She said that he was proud of me for taking that step (that's her saying it though, not him, so I don't know if I should believe it or if she was just trying to make me feel better). The front staff know me fairly well there, when I call all I have to say is this is Squirrel (not Squirrel Rodent) and they automatically know who I am and pull up my file. It feels odd to be known by my first name only there, but it could be a good thing.

I was surprised that I didn't have to wait long for pdoc yesterday (being an add in appt). When I called to make it, the office manager (who answered the phone) said that they could squeeze me in around 4:30, but I may have to wait a bit because patients with appointments would be given priority. That made sense to me. I got there a little bit before 4:30, the waiting room has about 3 people in it. Pdoc comes out of his office with a patient and grabs the next file. I am expecting it to be one of the other people waiting, so I am not even paying attention when he calls my name. I guess my subconscious heard it though because I look up from my phone and he motions for me to come. I hope the other people did not get mad that I got to go before them. I was amazed that I was told there would be a wait and I was called right back...I guess pdoc has his own priority in his mind. I just really hope the other patients did not talk about me after I went back about getting to go before them when they were waiting first.

I'm dishing out a lot of money into my mental health lately. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. It could be seen both ways. Good = I am caring for myself and getting help. Bad = I am getting more ill and can't handle it on my own. I don't know which to go with, I am kind of on the fence about it right now.