I might put this under other forums, but I'll start here.

I'm pre-planning funeral and burial arrangements for my sig. other. He's not terminally ill, and I hope we may have a couple more years together, like maybe two. He's got a bunch of problems, can barely walk and is extremely frail. He has some dementia.

I take care of all his needs, and used to think his adult children would take care of burying him. They are far away and have little interest.

He's on full-medicaid and is low-income. Medicaid doesn't allow him to have much assets, but he can put some money aside for funeral/burial arrangements in an irrevocable trust. I am low income, but have a little I can contribute.

I have done a great deal of research. His final arrangements don't have to cost a fortune. My fervent hope is that he could have a regular funeral/burial. His family just wants an immediate cremation and cremains mailed to National Cemetery for free interment. (He's a Vet.)

I've been pleased with the things my research is turning up. Everything at the cemetery is free because he's a vet. He will die in one state and be interred in another, on opposite side of the country. So it gets complicated. But yesterday, I found that a funeral parlor near where he will be buried offers a special rate for vets that sounded less than I expected.

Now I am looking at ordering a casket on-line and finding that to be much less than I expected. I'm starting to really believe that I can see him given a decent treatment when the time comes.

I am emotionally all over the place. I talked to a casket distributor today who was rude beyond what I can put into words. Then I called another one I saw on line who was nice.

I'm not sure what I'm asking here. Does anyone have any advice about pitfalls to avoid? I have no one to talk to. My boyfriend has dementia and doesn't like to discuss it. His kids have been cruel to me in the past on this subject. My own sisters who have arranged funerals (I never have.) tell me different stories that don't add up. They seem to want to brag that they spend fortunes on funerals they arranged.

I am thinking it can be done for a modest amount, if there's no extra limousines. We might not even have a church service. Mainly, I just don't want him to be cremated because that just upsets me. (It's fine and nothing wrong with it, but not his or my tradition that we've had in our families.)

I have to check his will, but I believe I am executor of his estate - not that he has anything. It's just so I can facilitate things.

I know that, amongst PC members, there is a wealth of experience on just about every subject.

Thank you.