I'm suffering from so many things like depression, self harming, insomnia, anxiety, anorexia nervosa and over thinking since I was a teenager or since I was a kid, I was raised in a house full of fights, I saw my dad beating my mom and so many other bad things to remember, I never had that happy family cause I was born between two irresponsible parents and both of them didn't want me, I never had a hug from them so I was seeking love and care from my ex boyfriends who spoiled me, I always hated myself for being that dependent and needy.. now I'm 21 and I'm living with my mom only and we are not that close we always fight, I've went through so many relationships and I can't commit to any of it and most of them has ended with me heartbroken and trying to deal with trust issues, I can't communicate with people well, actually I'm an introvert so I don't have many friends regardless the two thousand people who are following me on social media who doesn't really know about my real life

I'm just feeling drained and empty, I feel like I'll end up alone and depressed like my mom, I never tried therapy cause I feel it wouldn't save me and because therapy in Egypt is so bad, people here are so ignorant, they don't believe in mental health even the therapists themselves, some say I'm a borderline but I'm not really sure cause I never saw a psychiatrist, but my friends who are suffering from borderline personality disorder tells me this cause I match with the symptoms of the disease, I don't know what to do I really need to know what is wrong with me so I can fix it
I'm tired of fighting an anonymous monster which is eating me from the inside I just want to know which disease I have.