Hello Steelbreaker05: I'm sorry you are struggling. Unfortunately, I'm afraid the only way you're going to begin to learn what is going on with you is to find a mental health professional you can see. I know you wrote that mental health services where you live are not good. But I don't know what other alternative there would be.

Sometimes people engage in on-line counseling. I've never done it & it doesn't seem to me as though it could be that beneficial. But it might be something else to check into. Of course, there's going to be a charge for this type of service. Perhaps some other members, here on PC, will have some better suggestions to offer. I wish you well...