My poor son has had to deal with so much in his short life. He's had to deal with me being too depressed to play with him. Me losing my temper and screaming at him. Me being hospitalized (for all he knows I just disappeared randomly) six times between the time he was 2 and 4. And then on top of it all his father died when he was just four and a half. As a result he's had a lot of anxiety. He's very attached to me. He climbs in bed with me every night in the middle of the night. He doesn't like it when I leave without him but he deals with it as long as he has an approximate time of return. I text whichever family memeber is watching him if I will be later than expected.

But he's also extraordinarily happy and loving. Everyone tells me how happy he is and how he makes their day. I've been stable for a long time. When my husband died I had a bit of a breakdown for a couple of weeks but I realized I am the only one he has left to depend on. So I took my mental health seriously and threw myself into treatment. It's been almost two years since I've been hospitalized and I plan to keep it that way. He deserves a stable mom.

I haven't talked to him about my mental illness. I think he's too young to understand. I will when he's older. I have mentioned the disease of addiction (his father died of a drug overdose). I will definitely explain that more in depth because I want him to know he's at risk for it.

I'm scared what will happen when he's a teenager. I'm scared he'll get into drugs. I'm scared bipolar symptoms will arise. But at least he knows he's loved and that I will always, always be there for him.