Hi Twirls,

Co-dependency is so very hard wich which to live. I have been there and done that. I finally learned that in trying to make others constantly happy that I was making myself for unhappy. I began to feel like I was giveing all of me away for no return and that hurt. I eventually realized that there was no way that I could make everyone happy all of the time and began to exercise the word "no". Doing so was rather freeing. I did have a whole lot of guilt at first, I have to admit. It didn't take long at all for me to become independent and felt a sort of freedom from the contsant burden I had put upon myself.

Remember that God gave us the gift of freewill. He understands that we have to look after ourselves. By saying no to someone isn't sinning at all.I think you have to ask yourself the question "Am I infringing on this person's freewill by saying no?" I believe that you aren't in any way. When we act in ways to take away other's freewill or behave in ways to cause physical harm, we then have to consider that we have sinned.

I hope you are seeing a good therapist to help you learn to become independent and that others will still love you even if you do say no. They will most likely love you more and have more respect for you. After all, you deserve it because you are human and one of God's children. God knows you are hurting and wants you to feel right with yourself.

Spend some time soul searching and maybe even consulting your minister, if you have one. I am sure that if you do, he/she will tell you that you are hurting yourself and will not commit a sin shoudl you say "no" to someone.

I hope you are able to find some peace and healing. Turn to others who have some training for some assistance.

Blessed Be,
Peacemaker