It's not the first time I write this, but I was up all night surfing these forums, and I actually was OK, but then I started reading some of the struggles in the social life of others, and it hit me suddenly (again) what a failure I am in life. This is because these struggles I read reminded me of how I don't have any of these problems even remotely because I've never had a social life. Even in the replies, people give replies from their own experience in their social life, while I have non of that. Literally zero. If I post something I use only common sense. We can call this the problem of no problems.

I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to build my own social life with my own choices without settling. Once I was trying. But something has changed in me, probably permanently. My past experiences in the social life have changed how I view people, and more importantly myself as socially inept. Probably I'd have to rely on family if I desperately wanted a social life, which makes me look and feel worse than a loser. It shatters my self-image, my self-respect and my self-esteem. I'm actually on a moment of deciding if I am going home or not after being abroad for many years studying and working, and it seems to me going home now is in a sense declaring that I've given up hope and on myself, because it's not my first choice to go home.

Just venting.