I went to therapy for a number of years working on PTSD. The last few years I've just stayed at home as I've had problems with my physical health, something I feel is also caused by this unexplained intense fear that's inside of me..

Recently, I've been trying to become more active with my life - there are many things I feel like doing and trying, but as soon as the idea and urge to do something enters my head, I actually physically feel this shift inside of me to a place where 'I don't care, I don't feel like doing anything, everything's just cr*p..'

I was thinking about this yesterday and realised it's not depression or exhaustion like I've thought - but the fear again! And my natural reaction to it - freezing up.. As soon as I feel fear, I freeze up, completely - I won't move an inch because I'm SURE I'm in mortal danger.. Then I've thought I don't really want to do the things I've felt like doing, and continue to sit and watch TV or something that feels comfortable and not scary..

I'm actually seeing a therapist on Monday about this, but I felt like sharing this now, already, because it feels like a very meaningful realization and I wanted to make it more 'real'..