As someone who was married to a gay man, I am really feeling your pain. Hopefully, I can give you some insight that can help you figure it all out. About 25 years ago, I dated this man for 2 years, without having sex, because he said he wanted to wait until we got married, but the night we got married, he said he felt too much anxiety because it had been so long. Anyway, he and his whole family were very religious. Baptist...if you were gay you were going to hell. He blamed me for all of our sexual problems, saying that my insecurities were giving him performance anxiety. I blamed myself, and felt very rejected.

Everything should have been so obvious to me, but when you are so needy that the thought of being without this person is just to much to handle, we overlook a lot. He contracted hepatitis, and he said he got it from some of the cleaning work he'd been doing, that there was blood on the floor. I had to get preventative shots.

I ended up leaving him, not because I caught on to him being gay, but because he had such a bad temper it scared me. he never acted like the kind of person we stereotype as being gay. I hope that doesn't offend anyone. He was extremely controlling and emotionally abusive- probably from all the hiding he was trying so hard to do. One time, I needed to just get away from him and take a drive, and he took the keys so I couldn't. So, one night, he pushed me in a fit of rage, and I hit him I think, and I thought "this is not love....We are already divorced," and I left the next day. It was more than a year later that I realized he was gay, and it hit me like a brick. Denial is a very powerful thing, and it's especially hard to accept the truth, when the other person won't be honest.

And it makes total sense that he would get angry at the mention of him possibly being gay. Maybe it would help to see if it's a really unhealthy relationship, it's easier to leave that way.