Subtract that step-mother from your head, x her out. When those thoughts come up see them for what they are...sick, she was sick. They're not true. You deserve happiness and all the good life has to offer. I hope you can find a new Pdoc that you like even better. Can you get a referral from your old Pdoc? It sounds like you're in a difficult place right now and I all can tell you is it will get better.