So, I've been more distant on here, lately. In real life, too. In truth, it's for a number of reasons. The first one, I don't even know what to say anymore, my mind's too messed up. Second, I find it so difficult to just read threads anymore, let alone reply. That one kills me because I care about so many of you on here and I can't even be there for you. I'm sorry for this.

Third, is simple disconnect so that my leaving, hopefully won't hurt as much, or at least come as a shock when it happens. I have this date coming up. This date that I've had established for going on five months, now. I gave myself five more months to decide if it all was worth it to keep fighting. I'm ashamed to say that I'm leaning more towards giving up and giving in. I might remove this thread because I hate coming on here and having people I care about read that I'm still actively planning my death. That the date is swiftly approaching. My signature, kind of says it all.

I wouldn't say this post is my "scarlet letter". Not yet. I've lost hope that I won't have to write one, though. I'm just sorry I'm so weak right now guys. And I'm sorry that I still, still plan on hurting those of you I've grown very close to.