I just hit my one-year anniversary at my job. It also represents one year since I returned to work from disability. And it is terrible.

For reasons I can't go into but that trust me are entirely unfair (trust me) we just received news that our health benefits are taking a huge hit. (And it's unnecessary considering the great year we just had and are having right now.) This cut was done to facilitate higher pay for our musicians, whom are unionized and the staff ends up with whatever plan they vote for. So since they wanted higher pay and were willing to give up on some health benefits, the admin staff is basically now receiving a pay decrease because of it. I am already working at about $15,000 less than I am worth. And I'm not the only person who took a hit to come work for this organization. Having this new plan is basically like having no health insurance, and since I have a disability and have to see doctor's frequently, I wonder if I can even afford to keep working here.

Being senior leadership, I stood up for the employees and confronted our CEO about it. He said that they are working to make adjustments to compensate the admin staff, but gave no real specifics. I won't hold my breath for answers. I'm also being treated and monitored for cervical cancer, so this is really going to just kill my personal finances. It's extremely upsetting. It's very frustrating because I am probably more qualified in my job as a fundraiser than half of our musicians are in their careers as professional musicians.

Then, if you've read my previous posts about my CEO trying to protect "J" and promoting her even though she's been failing and giving her all sorts of leeway for screw ups because of her personal life...in a staff meeting today he turned to me and basically blamed me for her failing to meet her goals. I stood my ground and fought back because I have been very vocal about the amount of my involvement in the project she was leading and what my role is in it, and I have reported to him every step of the way, so the fact that he is saying I didn't do "X", when "X" was never assigned to me or anywhere near my purview of duties is just ridiculous.

I have been trying to keep my head down and just get my work done, in hopes that I can develop things in my personal life or hopefully find a new job, but first with this health insurance business and then with this being thrown under the bus...I'm not sure how much I can take. I am inches away from just walking out the door and never returning. I won't do that though because I'm too smart to leave a job without another lined up. A job search generally takes about 6 months, but I don't know if I can seriously handle 6 more months of this.

I feel so demoralized every day coming into this job. Then I have to go to work events and play hostess and pretend to be happy and pleased with things, and that is very difficult for me when I don't feel respected or valued by my boss.

Just put me out of my misery.

Seesaw