It sounds like you're "settling". I guess technically you are married, but you have dreams and desires that aren't yet fulfilled. Do you dare pursue your dreams? Without knowing more about your age (assuming north of 50 (as am I)), developmentally, you have fewer years ahead than behind. The clock is ticking and you may be considering things you would like to do. Would you be willing to do them alone or with a friend?
Can you, as they say, create a life for yourself that is worth living?