Once you have cut your abusers out of your life there is still quite a journey to recover.You have to heal your wounded emotions and discover your own independence ,automony and freedom.

For me going out there and living my own life carries the risk of having extreme fear,anger,pain emotional pain triggered by new acquaintances.There is the problems of recreating past abusive situations.Indeed a couple of friendships after I cut my abusive sister out of my life turned out to be with narcissists who used me and did not respect me.

I have learnt not to fear this happening but I am usually upset if it does.I saw in myself the pattern of being too kind,understanding and generous that attracted these kind of abusers to me.I took a long break from making new friends to get over the pain of having had them hurt me.Now I want to go back out there to make new friends,I am hoping I can attract good people who will respect me,and have things in common with me and will not judge me as inferior,many have done so in the past and I can't tolerate that again.

I have resolved however that should things go wrong again in this respect it won't matter or demolish me and upset me for long because I am no longer allowing anyone else to be central in my life or to matter so much.I will be central,my interests ,hobbies,goals will be central, people will come and they will go but who they are and what they do to me will matter much less to me that who I am,what I want and how they make me feel.

If they hurt me or affect me badly then they will be out my life and not matter at all.They will be minor bit players and I will toss them aside and forget about them.

Of course I will need to deal with the feelings and aftermath of their abuse and hopefully I am figuring out how to put a stop to these sort of people getting me as friends in the first place,but no more will they cause me hurt or damage,as soon as I suss them they are out of my life.

I prefer to be self sufficient unless I meet good people, God's people,people who care, love,share as equals.It is hard to meet people like that, it has been for me so far in my life but that is because I have always been controlled and my genuine side has been in hiding.I am coming out and being me and maybe going a bit for what I want instead of cowering in fear like usual.

I have developed more in confidence and my sensual side is coming out more and I find myself attracted and wanting to initiate more whereas before I would hold back and repress it,I am wanting to go for it now and it has brought out a newer fresher energy in me that I like.

It is all to do with coming out of my shell and the prison of control and abuse and liberating myself.