Sorry you are feeling down on yourself. I thought that a wife and kid would change my life around too when I was younger. She ended up cheating on me and my daughter and I don't have much communication due to her life choices. (Drug and alcohol abuse). I have since remarried and my wife is a wonderful woman and very supportive of me. I guess I'm saying it's out there... but don't force it. Let it come to you when it's ready. You can't force your life to unfold the way you want when you want however you want. You have to wait for it to develop on its own. Hoping for all the best for you. Good luck