I've decided, rather than keep fighting my depression, to embrace unhappiness as a routine part of my life. Because whenever I embrace fighting my depression and chasing happiness I just end up feeling more lost, like I'm striving for an unattainable goal. And the rare moments I've been truly happy were so short-lived, their passing only brought on even more depression. The only 'happiness' I experience from now will be from alcohol or drugs.

From now on, I am going to embrace depression, embrace my ED, embrace self harm and self-destruction, because those are the only consistent things in my life and it's been that way for so long now that it's ludicrous to expect my life will turn out any other way.

(Sorry. Am experiencing anhedonia and dissociation. Thought I was over this...)