Hi Courttaylor,
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your grandmother must have been a very special person.

I can't offer any answers. What I can do, is tell you that I'm going through the same thing. My parents were special people who let me live with them. My mom died in 2011, and my father in 2013. I've been so lost without them. I feel like they're here sometimes. I talk to them.

Like you, I have flashbacks of their last moments. It hurts so bad. I've also been going thru the same thing regarding my last two dogs. (My dogs are, for all intents and purposes, my children.) My mental health care providers have said that I have some PTSD from the deaths. And I guess also from the stress of taking care of them alone, while dealing with my own illnesses.

The one thing that has helped the most is trying to replace the memories of those "last moments" with memories of happier times. The end of their lives was just one teeny piece of their lives. They had long, full lives.

The pain lessens, but the hole remains.