I wrote these things to t weeks..months...before I had the courage to read them out loud. Then it was months before I was able to talk about the feelings as a separate item to feeling them. We have have a few good sessions after a short rough patch. Right now a big portion of my thoughts are how much a love t. I'm still scared that sharing this with her will scare her away. I have started to realize a slight difference between loving t and having loving feeling/thoughts for t.

I don't know if that helps. I so feel your pain and the pull-push of the relationship and process.