If you read my threads probably you will think I'm 12 years old, while in fact I'm about thrice as old. But still from the inside I'm a child who is immature and not molded (I can say it plainly here). I haven't grown up because I didn't have to. I didn't have to deal with people and life's challenges where people's personalities grow and form. This is how I was raised out of my parents' fear on us. They were ultra-protecting.

I didn't sleep last night and spent the whole night literally sobbing. I was reminded how I cannot fight my fights in this life. I don't have the strength to do so. I avoid people because I cannot connect with them properly, and they either view me as arrogant who must be crushed or as naive who must be ignored.

I feel sick in my stomach when I have to talk with people, because I feel I will be crushed and treated like trash. I have never been respected or treated like someone because I can talk and gain the respect of others. No one has ever called me to suggest to go out. All the time I initiate, and all I get rejection which makes me feel humiliated.

Some may say you don't need people, which isn't completely practical in this world. You cannot do anything without communicating with people. You cannot start a family, you cannot find a job, ... etc. I don't care about starting a family or find a job as much as gaining the respect of others or being able to talk and prove that I'm someone who is worth listening to or connecting with.

This is my 3rd thread in less than 24 hours, because I'm extremely upset and I don't know to do otherwise.

Thanks for reading