OK, I’m feeling a bit conflicted this morning and I hoping some of you have some good suggestions. My stepdaughter visited yesterday to collect some stuff she had been storing at our house. She is great, we have a close relationship and she simply adores her little brothers. My husband and I have been having some real problems and as with most martial problems they have caused collateral damage to the children.

As my stepdaughter, her fiancé, and several of his friends are moving stuff ,her Dad is just one continuous jabbering stream of negativity. Some of the stuff he was saying was just inappropriate. ‘Oh, there goes the couch you said we could have.’ ‘Oh, sure take all the good stuff and leave us your %#@&#!!’ ‘Great, I finally get my gun room back; I hope your planning on cleaning it before you go.’ My husband is one of those people who can never seem to find anything nice to say, who feels that the world is constantly taking advantage of him, and that he always give to other people but receives nothing in return. We are in some financial trouble, but we are by no means poor. We did it to ourselves, we (he and I) need to suck it up and deal with it! I have always been kind and generous to his children but it has always been because I care about them not because I wanted something in return. His kids don’t owe us anything. The way he was behaving in front of his future son-in-law and his friends was really embarrassing to me and I could tell his daughter too.

At one point his daughter and I ran out to get some takeout before they started home with her stuff. On the way she just unloaded and was on the verge of tears. I told her that we were fine and that she didn’t owe us anything, that she was getting started with her life at that under normal circumstances we should be helping her out not the other way around. Then she tells me that over the last few months that her Dad has been asking her for money and she had been giving it to him! Although she didn't admit it, I realized that she was the reason I gotten a birthday present this year. I almost died! I told her I loved the ring but shouldn't do stuff like that. My husband hasn't gotten me a birthday present in a long time. I told her very directly that I really appreciate her caring about us but she is not to give him money! We are not at risk of losing our house that we simply need to live within our means like everyone else.

I don’t know what to do. I know she is concerned for me, her brothers and that she loves her Dad. But he is manipulating her, making her feel guilty, and potentially creating problems between her and her fiancé. I’m worried for her and I am embarrassed that my husband has made me a charity case without my knowledge. I just want to scream at him, but that will just make him lash out at her for telling me. He is such a ……narcissist! I am so conflicted.