It sounds like you are trying to be supportive to your wife. You cannot fix her though, she needs to see a therapist. Also, she should consider seeing and talking to her gynecologist as well because this could be due to a hormonal imbalance. She should have her estrogen levels checked, it seems this problem increased with each pregnancy.

I doubt your daughter is a bad child, sounds like she is just being a teenager.

Often individuals who need the kind of control you are describing have something that happened in their past that contributed to their feeling unsafe. You can't "fix" her, she needs to reach out for help and work towards doing that for herself.

Also, while I don't know how old your wife is, she may be menopausal and some women have a very hard time during that time, again, that is hormonal and often is caused by a drop in estrogen levels that can contribute to depression and the other things you have described.

She should also have a physical too to make sure there is nothing else going on as some women have thyroid issues that can also lead to depression symptoms.