I know you went through so much; wasn't there. Sort of understand you are seriously wounded from it all but how could you possibly explain everything about your feelings for your mother. So much history for you with your mom being 84 and all.

Of course you know this-- Most of us do the best we can and the most unlovable of us are likely quite sad inside. You talked about her having depression and of course, we have both read that narcissistic people are very insecure inside. When I hear all of your stories, it seems to me that you have done a lot for her. Don't feel guilty about needing boundaries. You're not perfect in that you can't help but react at times when she "pushes your buttons" but you always seem to forgive her enough to be there for her over and over.

I ran away from my mom as soon as I graduated high school and never returned home ever again so I admire how much you have done for your mom. You truly are a better person than I have ever been for honoring your mom despite all her problems.

Oh--and I hope the surgery turns out OK and that she isn't in to much pain from it. <<hugs to both of you>>