I agree but I would take it one step further -- if someone is not going to take care not to use subtle put-downs or avoid triggering me by invalidating tone/attitude/words when they "confront" then they are best off to shut up and leave me alone because they won't get anywhere with me. I, too, need to "learn" -- like everyone else -- but I won't "learn" anything if my buttons are pushed and I'm put either on the defensive or into an emotional tailspin over it.

What works best for me is if/when others can own their own crap and make it about themselves rather than about me. For example: "When you said/did _______ it hurt me because _________" works a lot better than "you are being an immature selfish jerk" or those passive/aggressive, intelligence-insulting sideways methods like posting some huge diatribe about how people who do X or Y are stupid, immature, etc. If someone wants the "right" to confront me they have to own their own crap first! Otherwise how can they expect me to respond in like kind by taking responsibility for mine??? I have no model for it and I need models, not ultimatums. I learn best from others' modeling. Ultimatums and negative "blanket definitive statements" just make me go, "yeah? and who died and made YOU god??"