Quote:
Originally Posted by Tphillips117
Its so sad to me. I just turned 40 years old. I met my husband when I just turned 20, so hes been in my life for half of my life. He promised to love me and take care of me. I promised the same to him. So here we are, with three kids whom we both love to the deapths of our souls, but literally cannot stand each other. I have made some major mistakes in this marriage. I have not been even close to perfect at times. I feel like I have been accountable, and I have sincerely made changes where change was needed and requested of me. I have titan strength and resilency, even when all I want to do is curl up into a ball and never leave my bed. My kids count on me. Its so hard to take care of them in the ways in which I feel like they need me. Complex PTSD has taken so much from my life and reduced me to a shell of a human being. I feel like its an acid that has eaten away at my soul and left me hollow and empty. Im either crazy mad and frustrated or just empty. Unless you go through this, I cant imagine being able to understand how dibiltating it is.
I just need some people in my life to say "I know exactly what you are going through", because I feel like a freak.
|
Well I'm not in your life but I certainly understand, especially the feeling like a shell of a person. I expect if I lived in the same situation I would feel the anger as well. You remind me of a friend. She stayed at home till the last child moved out. But she said everytime she and her husband passed each other in the hall it was like two cats bristling up. They finally separated and both are happy and they can actually be friends. Mostly because of the kids and grandkids. The thing is most people outside of the house never knew just how bad it was. But she started planning her escape, getting information on finances, his retirement plans, where accounts were, etc. So her attorney could get what was due to her. Good thing she did because when he got wind she was leaving he started moving money and trying to hide it from her. Just a little info there. There's just no way others can fairly see the problem without living it. They usually side with one or the other, not wanting to accept that it takes two to make it work. So....you are not a freak because others don't understand....that's just human nature. You may want to seriously consider options, maybe even talk to an attorney, before something bad happens or it puts such trauma on the kids.
Did you say you have a T? On meds for anxiety? That would also be a good thing to do. Not that your crazy but chemicals may be off balance because of the trauma, depression, anxiety. Take care of yourself. You can make it through this. We are here for you.