(((((((((((((((((kd))))))))))))))))

You know I love and adore you. And I agree that he probably shouldn't go. I don't want to hurt your feelings by being devil's advocate, but...

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I didn't even think that he'd consider going this year...that I'd have to explain how difficult it would be for him to do or anything like that. Surely he KNOWS, right?

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In my experience (and I do this ALL the time), it's rarely a good idea to assume that even the most well-intentioned and loving people in our lives will be able to anticipate how we'll feel or be affected by something. Yes, even when it seems obvious. You are generally a rock of reliability, and your husband probably assumes you can handle just about anything (cause frankly, you can!). He may have felt that "surely you would KNOW" he would go on this trip, because he always does.

Sweetie, if someone said to me "how can you even consider doing (x y or z)," I would be defensive and pissed off, and want to do it even more. (Even if they're right) I would feel like they're telling me I did something wrong, or am careless, or even don't have a right to decide for myself what I want to do. Then the conversation would become about who WINS- me, by getting to go whether I should or shouldn't... or them, because they told me I can't. I know that probably sounds petty, but people who feel criticized get petty sometimes. I don't know how your husband generally responds to criticism.

If you want to work things out with your husband, it might be a good idea to suck up your pride for a second, and apologize for making assumptions about what he should/would feel or understand. Ask him (without challenging him) what he WAS feeling and thinking, and see if maybe he was thinking differently than you understood. From there, just tell him how hurt you feel and that you need him (again, without challenging or demanding that he meet that need). See what he does from there. Maybe he'll respond to your feelings once he knows that he's really been heard. But maybe he will still go, because that's how relationships are sometimes. (Sucks!) And you'll probably still be hurt. I can see why.

It also sounds to me like you really need something for you. Maybe going away isn't a good idea, because you'll stew over things. But maybe you could stay nearby and just have a spa day or something??

Best of luck to you. Sorry to hear things are so bad